The Days of My Life

Entry 20

Dear Journal,

Wow. Am I a magnet? I swear to God, I have got to be some kind of flower for bees to come to or something. They all seem to fall in love with me!!! What the hell is going on?!

Anyway, you may be wondering what I'm talking about. One word: Mitchell.

Mitchell told me this morning that he's fallen in love with me. Dude, I only see him as a brother. He used to only see me as a sister, but that all changed last night I guess.

-Sighs softly and yawns.-

I just woke up, so sorry if I'm a little crazy. I've got to go.

~Ciao~

Current Mood: sleepy

Entry 19
Dear Journal,

Wow, so much happened today. Okay, so that's a lie. Only a few things happened today.

Uhm, well, let's see. A few hours ago, I got a message on my Quizilla! account asking me to make an Aaron Dismuke one-shot. ~~Seriously, who the fuck is this guy?!~~

Anyway, I've decided to accept the challenge and work on a one-shot with lemon, like all my other stories (painispower is my username, by the way), though it's probably not going to be all that great.

Yeah, anyway, I'm in the middle of an RP lemon with Mitchell (also known as Bane).

Oh, and I just remembered something. I didn't mention it before, but my friend Iris (a girl from my school) had killed herself exactly one week ago. Don't say anything about it, okay? It hurts enough. This is the seond person dear to me that I've lost.

The memories are just too painful to think about. Please don't make me talk about it.

~Ciao~

Current Mood: cold

Entry 18
Dear Journal,

Ever had that feeling that the world was against you? I have that feeling.

I have got to have some sort of magnetic thing going on or something because all the guys I meet fall in love with me. Who are you talking about, you may be wondering? Why, who else but Matt of course! You may know him as Ronin. Big shocker there, ne?

Anyway, he told me that he loves me earlier today. Things were awkward for a while, but we agreed that it'd be best if we forget that he told me how he feels about it. But I don't think things will ever be the same between us again.

Because he's coming down here this summer and so is Michael. . . Who will I choose?

~Ciao~

Current Mood: confused

Entry 17
Dear Journal,

Not much to report except for one or two things.

One: Michael asked me to do something today at around 8:15 earlier. He asked me to marry him! -Squeels in a girlish manner.- >.> <.< You didn't hear that (the girly thing.)

Two: I really regret breaking up with him the first time. I really do love this guy, even though I'm only 14.

~Ciao~

Current Mood: ecstatic

Entry 16

Dear Journal,

I really need to learn to stick with one guy. I can't go around having feelings for other people when I'm in a relationship! No, I didn't cheat if that's what you're thinking.

You may be wondering what I'm talking about. Andrew and I broke up again. I don't think it would have worked anyway. If he really loved me, he wouldn't have slept with Julie in the first place.

I've been thinking a lot lately.

Michael asked me to be his girlfriend again today. I didn't know what to say! Just imagine what Dana's going through right now! They had gotten together again because I wanted them to, but them Michael broke off their engagement because he just didn't feel that way about her (or so, that's what he tells me) and couldn't stand to see me hurting by seeing the one I love with someone else.

Anyway, I broke up with Andrew by E-Mail. I can't break up face-to-face, I'm just too scared to. I think I might have really found someone who loves me for me and his name is Michael Burns.

~Ciao~

Current Mood: calm

Entry 15
Dear Journal,

This is a bit mean, but I have to admit that I feel good now. Why? Because Michael broke it off with Dana.

Dana is upset though. She says that it's my fault that they broke up ~~even though it sort of it~~! I also learned something that I sort of regret no for leaving Michael. The same day I broke up with him, he was going to ask me to marry him.

O.O Yeah, I know, shocking.

~Ciao~

Current Mood: crazy

Entry 14
Dear Journal,

I don't understand. My computer teacher wont accept and grade the work I turn in! That's just fucked up, Coburn!

She says that I didn't do the work, which I DID on more than one occasion, so she's trying to make me do it again. I'm not going to redo it, I can gaurentee that. Anyway, I think she hates me, to be honest. O.O Yeah, I have no doubt about that. She might as well drop me from the class because she knows I wont redo it.

Either way, it's pointless to try to argue with me about this. I just wont listen to her, and she knows it. Sometimes I can't help but to think that Jason micht just be right about the human race; that humans who lack a proper mind are just walking menaces that can't tell when they're hurting something or someone.

~Ciao~

Current Mood: confused

Entry 13

Dear Journal,

Right now, as I write this, I'm on the phone with Andrew Sanchez, a guy from my school. I'm really thinking about asking him if he'd like to go out with me again (he and I used to date. It lasted for about six months before things started to go wrong for me, so I ended it before anything happened to us.)

-1 Hour Later-

Okay, I asked him. He said yes. =^_^= But he also told me something that suprised me. Turns out that, during out break up time, he had lost his virginity to my friend, Julie. Needless to say, I was a bit angry but more of feeling betrayed than upset. Well, nothing is perfect. I just hadn't been expecting it, ya know?

I just wont mention it to him. Maybe I'll forget about it at school or something. It doesn't matter much anyway, and it's not like he did it when he was with me. ~~I hope.~~

I guess this day ended better than I though it could have! Now there's just the rest of my life to brood over.

~Ciao~

Current Mood: accomplished

Entry 12
Dear Journal,

This just isn't my day, is it? Not even a month after I'd been with Davey again did he break up with me again. Love sucks. End of story. Book closed.

-She sighed heavily, running a hand through her hair, taking off her glasses to rub her eyes before placing them on again.-

I should just give up on it. I'll never really find anyone who will be true and really love me. If I had enough courage, I'd call my sister, Rachel (she's 21, as is her twin, Angela), and ask her what I should do. Maybe I'll do that later tonight when she gets off of work.

Dude, Jason is PISSED at Davey for making my heart hurt. He wants to come out and talk to him, but that's not such a good idea. It's not like he could really do anything bad to him anyway even if I did let him out since he'd only have control of my body and nothing else, none of his powers, or his wings.

He just wont shut up now. -.-*

~Ciao~

Current Mood: indescribable

Entry 11

Let's save the pleasentries for when I'm in a better mood, shall we?

He fucking asked her to MARRY HIM. Yeah, you heard me, I said MARRY. HIM.

I was such an IDIOT to thing, even for a moment, that he even really cared about me. I went totally ~~beserk~~ unstable. I had started crying, sobbing, and I screamed. Yes, I actually screamed. I just couldn't stop crying, I had felt soooo terrible!

He said he loved ME. But that's a lie, just like everything else he told me, I suppose. I just wanted to be happy. Is that so much to ask for? Yeah, I guess it is.

I guess love isn't real. It's just a fairy tale, isn't it?

I'm just a stupid little girl with my hopes to high and feelings much too stong, expecially for a boy like him.

I'm pathetic. . .

~Ciao~

Current Mood: crappy

Entry 10 and a note to self
Dear Journal,

There's nothing new to report. Not much has been going on lately. I'm glad that I started this journal; it seems to be helping me a lot. I'm a lot less distracted now that none of this crap is raping my brain.

I just remembered something! I had been bored this morning in first period, CBA (Computer Business Application), and I searched for some stuff on Google.com. I found some really interesting, cool, ~~scary, totally off the scale, weird, awesomely gruesome~~, and neat stuff on demons and telepathy.

As I had read over the signs of all this stuff, I realized that I have it. You don't believe me, do you? No, of course not, why would you? I mean, you only know me by the words I write in here, so there's a good reason that you don't believe a damn word I say about this stuff.

~Ciao~

(P.S. Before I forget, I need to write 3 - 5 electives for my Sophmore year that I might want.

1. Art
2. Advanced Reading
3. Drama/Theater {As long as there's no plays, dancing, or singing that I'd have to do. Behind the scene stuff is okay.}
4. Interact {Same side note as above.}
5. Tennis or Badmitton.

There are a few more things, but I don't really think those would be very interesting to go to. Feh, whatever.)

Current Mood: rushed

Entry 9
Dear Journal,

It's been a few days now, and I'm pretty much over the worry that Michael will hurt himself over me.

I've mentioned before that I've got a second personality, haven't I? Yeah, I thought I did. His name is Jason and he came out yesterday when I was talking on the phone to Davey. We were in the middle of a conversation, me speaking. Suddenly I had just gon silent. I wasn't saying anything at all, it was as if someone had taken over my body to prevent me from crying and speaking. I can't really pay any attention to anyone or anything when Jason starts to talk to me, which is only for a small amount each day unless I'm emotionally stressed or something big like that.

Jason is actually very protective of me, like a big brother or something. He also does whatever he can in his power to help me through whatever I'm doing and he ALWAYS manages to make me laugh, even in the bleakest of times. But, unfortunately, I space out when we talk to eachother until someone either smacks me or we stop talking. Mainly the second, since the last person to smack me when he and I were talking could never really see straight anymore since I had almost shoved my pen in his eye. Now he's blind in his right eye. Yeah, I'm violent, leave me alone damn it! >_<

Right now there's a guest speaker in the classroom (where I am as I write this journal entry), so I'd best be going.

~Ciao~

Current Mood: lonely

Entry 8
Dear Journal,

I have to make a choice. I don't want to. . . but I have to. I have to choose to stay or break up with Michael. I learned that he's dated Dana three times and each time, he had cheated on her. Is he cheating on me? I doubt it, but I can't help but to worry.

He hasn't gotten over his ex, Alex, and I don't think that he notices that I know. I live over 1,000 miles from him! Dude, I live in Arizona and he lives in Missouri. That's more than a fair distance, ne?

But anyway, Dana wants him, I want him, he says he wants me. . . talk about a love triangle! Come to think of it, I never really thought I'd ever be in one. Heh, shows how much I know!

Should I keep him for myself or. . . give him up to let Dana have her happiness and allow myself to get hurt in the process?

The answer is simple: I need to give him up. I don't want to. . . but I don't feel that I have any choice in the matter. As I write this, my tears are falling onto the paper, smearing the glossy ink and making my words almost unreadable.

I can't take this anymore!!!

Will someone please tell me what to do? I can't do this on my own. I'm only 14, for Heavens sake!

He's going to hurt himself, I just know it. . . wait, no, he promised me that he wouldn't do anything to himself. Though I can't gaurentee that he won't do something rash towards someone or something else. Damn.

I've forgiven Davey, by the way, but I don't think Michael may ever find it in his heart to forgive me for the pain I caused him.

I hurt myself again, I'm ashamed to admit, though not as much physically as in mentally. I'm still crying over it, an hour after I broke it off with him. It takes me a while to write a journal entry in such a state of mind, so this one entry is taking me over and hour or two to finish. Anyway, my tears won't stop falling, and they won't stop for a while longer. I'm tired of thinking, of living, of dealing with these emotions, but I'll live. I always get over these things eventually. . .

Hopefully, Michael will too.

~Ciao~

Current Mood: drained

Entry 7
Dear Journal,

This one is going to be short and to the point.

Davey messaged me earlier this afternoon. He said that he was sorry and that he wanted to come back to me. After a long and slightly tearful talk, we decided to just put the past behind up and be friends again.

What the hell, you may ask? I have no fucking clue.

Jeez, men are so weird!

~Ciao~

Current Mood: bouncy

Entry 6
Dear Journal,

I can't TAKE this anymore! All I can think about is Michael and Davey. It's always them on my mind! I'm failing my freshman Math 1, English 1, and Science because of it! Davey hates me, I'm positive of it now. He actually deleted me off his YIM list! What the hell am I going to do? If he asks me to come back, I couldn't even if I wanted to because I'm in a relationship with Michael.

Michael tells me that I "spoil him." Just don't ask, for Heaven's sake, don't ask.

"Don't ask." I think that two word sentence is what butt-fucked Davey over the edge of sanity. And now he hates me. . .

He didn't realize that when he brought up his ex-relationships, I felt like shit because he was comparing me to them. Do you have ANY idea how annonying that is? Not to mention heartbreaking. It hurt really badly though, to know that he still thought about them when he and I were together. I told him that on the site today. Since he's has no control over the Chat Box on the site, there's no way he can just ignore me on there. Besides, when he replied, everyone saw what a jerk he really is.

It was so worth it to read everyones reactions, expecially Ronin's! If you ask me, I think Ronin has a thing for me or something. Hmm. . .

Anyway, I have to go for the night. I'll continue my rants tommarrow evening.

~Ciao~

Current Mood: predatory

Entry 5
Dear Journal,

Why is this affecting me so badly?! I mean, I'm over him, am I wrong? Life is waaaay too confusing right now. I'm not really planning on writing much tonight because I just plain and simply don't want to think about him anymore. Kind of ironic though, that i've still got him in my YIM list. I just can't seem to bring myself to delete him!

They say that the hardest part of love is saying goodbye. Is that really true love? If it is, then I'm in deep shit.

Now that I'm in a new relationship with Michael, I have a new start! Yay for me! But anyway, I don't think Michael realizes that he isn't quite over his ex-girlfriend, Alex, yet. I saw her picture on him YIM display image the other night , and let me tell you something. She. Is. BEAUTIFUL. I'm NOTHING compared to her! I feel so empty, like I'm missing something, but I don't know what it is.

WHAT DID I DO TO MAKE HIM HATE ME SO GOD DAMN MUCH?!?!?!

I want to talk to him soooo badly, but I can't. I'm sure that he's got me on his ignore list and I'm also sure that if I call his home phone or his cell phone that he'll just hang up on me, but I guess I'll never know until I try. . . but still, I'm afraid to.

Anyway, this entry is getting pretty long. I'll write more tommorrow or something.

~Ciao~

Current Mood: confused

Entry 4

Dear Journal,

Just have a few, small, simple things to say.

One, Davey is such an ass now! He's treating Dana like a messenger girl and everyone else like shit just because he's too much of a fucking coward to ttell me that, and I quote:

"I hope you get every STD known to man and die. Oh, and by the way, I plan on getting a new girlfriend soon. Also. . . 'I have a big head and tiny arms.' HA!"

Yeah. . . talk about childish. He's totally obsessed with that movie Meet The Robinsons and uses that line as often as he can. It's a little inside joke between us. Anyway, those were his exact words from Dana, the Messenger Girl. I can't see what I even saw in him anymore! I mean, one month he's totally awesome to me, saying things like "I love you so much, Ramona, please don't ever leave me. I don't know what I'd do if we split up!" Ugh. . . talk about a lieing sack of shit. The next month, he totally hates my guts! I didn't even do anything to him!

Just thinking about what he and I had is making me sick enough to puke. See? I just threw up a little in my mouth! That's actually kind of gross if you think about it. . .

Anyway, the second thing is. . . well, alright, so I can't remember what it is! So sue me.

~Ciao~

Current Mood: irritated

Entry 3

Dear Journal,

When Davey and I were talking online after about three days of no contact, things were tense, but not awkward, it that makes any sense at all. As I mentioned before, Davey had broken up with me a few days ago because we "argue too much." Yesterday, he almost asked me to get with him again when i had told him what I was thinking about; relationships. I guess he thought I was hinting that I wanted to be with him again, but I kind of killed it off when I told him "Don't ask." That was when he began to get snappy at me.

Anyway, almost an hour he and I had started to talk, he told me that "maybe I don't want you back." Uhh, helloooo?! You're the one who broke up with me, jerkface! Anyway, if he didn't want me back then he wouldn't have even mentioned it in the first place! But I guess I did deserve that.

Let's change the subject, shall we?

I don't see what Michael sees in me, to be honest. While I was talking to him last night, I was trying so hard not to just grab him, smother him with kisses, and hug him to death (then again, I pretty much did because it was online so there was no harm done!) Later on that night, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I think my heart had seriously skipped a beat when I heard that simple question. Of course, I agreed.

Kind of ironic, isn't it, that I never really notice these things until they happen to me? I'm talking about the fact that Michael treats me so much better than Davey did!

~Ciao~

Current Mood: satisfied

Entry 2

Dear Journal,

Hey again. I don't have much to write about since there are only a few things of little importance.

First, I won't be RPing much on The Realm Of Davey Yungblud* much anymore. Why, you ask? You don't need to know, now do you?

Second, Davey (the guy I mentioned in my last entry) broke up with me yesterday morning (3.25.07). I knew that it was going to happen the moment Dana asked me to call Davey on his cell phone. It was also a dead give away when he couldn't say anything without s-s-stuttering. Finally, he just got it over with and said it. I'm ashamed to report that I had, indeed, cried over it.

By that point I had felt so hollow and apathetic that I really wouldn't have felt it if someone had shot me (which I did happen to feel it when my Mom, Sandra, had shot me with a rubberband.) I guess the reason I'm actually telling you all this is because I kind of have no choice (I kind of promised Julie, my councelor, that I would keep a journal for her) and because I need to get it out through a pen and a peice paper (in this case, the internet.)

~Ciao~

KEY: * http://z7.invisionfree.com/The_Realm_of_DYB/index.php?act=SC&c=2

(P.S. Lenna and I don't talk anymore. I'll have to send her a message on YIM later on tonight if she's online.)

Current Mood: okay

Entry 1

Dear Journal,

I've noticed that a lot of people have various problems. Ranging from a 1 - 10, I'd have to say mine are about an eight or a nine on the scale. Really just depends on which problem you're looking at, I guess. My alternate personality, Jason? My completely raw, untamed emotions? Whatever.

Well, whatever you think my problem may be, chances are, I have it. But, whatever my problems are on the scale, I'm just glad that I found someone that may love me for who I am even though I have multiple personalities, anger issues, and random mood swings.

I used to think that love was for the weak, but after I met him, I'm seriously thinking that he may accept me because I'm not like everyone else. I'm not like normal girls; I'm unique. Independant. A tigress.

~Ciao~

(P.S. This is my first time using one of these things, to be honest, so I'm just typing in what I have in my real life journal at home.)

Current Mood: gloomy

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